Honesty

Let’s do a test.
This only works if you’re 100% honest with yourself.
Can you tell your colleague or boss that they’ve done a bad job?
And I don’t mean the trivial “could you improve on some random trivial thing”. I mean giving really difficult, you-didn’t-do-well-at-your-work type of feedback.

Getting real & honest feedback from your peers isn’t a humanitarian right. It’s a privilege. For others to be able to give you real & honest feedback, they have to trust you. They have to be 100% sure that you can take it. That you won’t hold a grudge. That you won’t get defensive. That you’re actually able to take in the feedback and are capable of having a civilised discussion.

Ergo, you can’t force a culture of honesty. Companies that schedule sessions of “let’s all give constructive feedback” miss the point. They are likely to have sessions of people giving feedback in the form of made-up petty items. Not real feedback. Because by giving & receiving real & honest feedback, you are making yourself vulnerable. Most likely people won’t do that just because HR says so.

Real & honest feedback isn’t some barbaric roast, it’s a deeper form of care for another. Your friend is a reckless driver. You worry the manoeuvres might one day become detrimental. You voice this concern even tough your friend finds this annoying. Because you care.

It’s a silly example but hopefully the message comes through.

A leader isn’t someone who gives people orders. A leader is someone who elevates other people to their maximum potential and beyond. Such growth can only be achieved by giving others real & honest feedback.